Thursday, June 3, 2010

My new tent

On my way to New York, first stop Indianapolis to see my YOUNGER cousin get married. Airports, more often than not, make me nervous. Security guards look at you suspiciously, strangers walking past each other, odd superficial conversation. I think it makes me long for authentic human connection. The Lord blessed me with such this morning. Walking through the MSP airport, a steaming cup of Carabou in hand, I heard, “Lauren!” There was Megan Horter from Grafton, ND. She was on her way to Spain, super jealous by the way. What are the chances of seeing a North Dakota girl in the airport? It was a blessed coincidence.
On the airplane, sitting next to an empty seat, my eyes were lead to a recently found passage.
“Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes.” Isaiah 54:2
This was written to the barren women of Israel, who felt ashamed that they couldn’t have children. This has been a challenging year in many regards, causing me to surrender big things to God in honor of His timing and perfect will. I’ve been given the desire to be married and to have a “brood of children.” This is God-desired passion and I do look forward to the day. As of now, I’ve often assumed that I cannot see this passion met until I marry. So I’ve fought with God! To be honest, we’ve had words for years. I’ve asked him for a husband and, regrettably, once when I saw no answer I attempted to find my own. It failed. This cycle of surrender and taking back, surrender and taking back, has been exhausting. Though, I’d imagine that as long as flesh lives this cycle will continue.
The box that I put God in, however, barely holds his pinky toe. The expectation- that having children is left just for the married woman- is busted down by the verse in Isaiah. Who’da thunk?
My home and heart can be enlarged, my love (granted by God’s spirit) can be stretched wide-for the kingdom of God and the children of the Lord.
I DON’T even have to HOLD BACK!
It’s meant to be lengthened wide and strengthened by the Strengthener.
This excites me, especially on the brink of New York. People are meant to be invested in, without holding back. God given passion for children can be used by the kingdom for spiritual children. My prayer for my heart as I meet this 40 wonderful college students is that God will have enlarged my capacity, that He’ll fill me with love for them, that I won’t think that just because this is a short season that it’s not worth the investment, that my mind would be opened wide to be a learner and listener, that I will be strengthened by Him.

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