Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Hope, buried

I sense you winterizing many things in life, God. Some relationships put to rest, some forever, an ending of a season, the change that seems so cold. All this hope, these prayers, are deeply buried in you, My Lord.
A few months ago, just as the wind turned cold and neighbors began their fall yard work, I buried some bulbs. Tulips-with the delightful store name of “Springtime hope.” How perfect.
The recent changes in my life have left my soul a bit tattered and torn. Quite a few questions for the Lord. And a different kind of loneliness than I’ve experienced before. Simply put, pain.
God lead me to pray.
In a different way, to plant some hope in Him. I dug deep holes, the recommended 8 inches. Lifting out the dark dirt, placing the small bulb in the ground just right. Lord, I give these prayers to you. These people and their needs are yours. Setting the dirt on top, pressing hard.
I wished for immediate response.
For the bulb to see its potential and sprout before my eyes.
I wished these people that I love so dear, that their prayer would be answered.
I know God can do it.
But he chooses to have me wait.
Raising Lazarus wasn’t hard, but Christ waited.
Instead, I watered them and reluctantly walked back inside my house.

What happened next surprised me. I had a very hard time leaving those bulbs alone. I checked on them multiple times a day, like a mother checking to see if her babies breathe escaped as he slept. I was concerned.
A squirrel came a few days later and dug up a bulb, leaving a torn hole.
I wept. I’m not joking. I was so upset that my prayer had been stolen by a rodent! I will not tell you what the prayer was exactly.

God started reminding me of something. Prayer is digging hope in God, and putting it to rest in him. It’s not like a kite, let loose in the air and still bound to you. My prayer is left alone in God, not mine any longer. He chooses how it should grow, if it should be taken by a squirrel, or the care it needs in these winter months.

Now that the snow has fallen, my hope buried down deep under the cold mound, I wait. Trusting the Lord for his goodness, his wisdom, and his faithfulness.

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