Monday, January 31, 2011
My little wallpaper house
I’ve been thinking lately that when things are unknown and scary, we naturally build a fear surrounding it. For me, something is unknown I fear I will fail, so I attempt to control the situation. This control manifests itself in expectation. If only I know what this situation MAY hold, then I can prepare myself with the plausible outcomes.
I walk into a darkened house and I imagine what the wallpaper will look like. I imagine the fixings in the kitchen, the upholstery, the layout. I even dream of the day I can turn on the switch, how great will that day be? Every girl has done this one: pick out what the guy of our dreams. He will have a great heart for the Lord; he will tell me I’m beautiful every half hour; he will love to run with me; he will tell great jokes sending my mother laughing. Then I beg God to let me turn on the switch, “C’mon, Lord, haven’t I waited long enough?”
The day comes when I turn on the light, flipping the switch.
Reality takes its form, overlaying my expectation. I see both. I see where the couch didn’t line up with my imagination; it’s off by three inches. Oh no!
The wallpaper is way too busy, the furniture too dark, he is too short, he doesn’t shower enough, etc.
What comes next is the thing that I think God is teaching me in this season.
Do I start to tear down the wallpaper? Or adapt? (a better word may be surrender).
A serious question for myself may be, “if you don’t meet what you’ve designed as God’s expectation for how you should live, you fail, do you still believe God will love you? Or do you feel you’ve stepped outside of His will for your life? And can you return? Or how many times will He let you return?”
He promises to cast our sins into the depths of the sea (Micah 7:19).
He says he will gather me from exile (Ps 147:2)
He runs to me while I’m and has compassion and runs to embrace me and kiss me (Luke 15:11-32).