O that the soul had form, to rise out of this chest and wrench its long arms over its body, to scream to burst, to die the death
To scream the scream hidden inside the folds of my gentile life
My soul would erupt the darkest shadows with its low howl pitch.
I cry out day and night, longing for its escape
Under covers I repeat the ungodly words
Lies fears retold stories
…she is born: to bear purposely pain she’s daddy’s distain…
The chant rocks my eyes to sleep, my very own lullaby
But I do not sleep
You do not have me, your spirit makes heavy my mind
I beg for dreams of your love
Save me from this despair that eats away my flesh
Rescue me!
I drift, help comes not, why do you slay me?
By day I walk with no strength all spent from heaving up soul
I lay slain in the room, you have put me there
I go again to the dark undercover shadows and repeat the prayer
Would you come this time?
Give me my ‘yet’ to believe the Steadfast love never ceases
The faith to fuck off despair
To decide to declare in the midst of dead trees
Cold earth
Empty hearts
Open graves
Hope would never play here with this barren woman, the weeper
Prayer would just be rejected as an alien transplant
I still repeat
Into your hands do I commit my spirit
For you are my rock and my fortress
You have known the distress of my soul
Be gracious, O Lord, for I am in distress
My eye is wasted from grief
My soul and my body also
I am spent from sorrow
Yet I trust in you, O Lord,
I say “You are my God.”
My times are in your hand
Rescue me from the anguish of this brokenness
Make your face shine on your servant
Save me in your steadfast love!
Oh, how abundant is your goodness,
For which you have stored up for your children,
Blessed be the Lord
Be strong soul, let your heart take courage
Wait on the Lord (taken from Psalm 31)
Though the fig tree should not blossom
Nor fruit be on the vine
The produce of the olive fail
And the fields yield no fruit
The flock be cut off from the fold
And there be no herd in the stalls
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord
I will take joy in the God of my salvation
God, the Lord, is my strength;
He makes my feet like the deer’s
He makes me tread on my high places. (Taken from Hab 3)
Though he slay me, I will hope in him. (Job 13:15)
